Monday, August 07, 2006

A Fil-AM Prez?

Ever since I got back, I've been receiving lots of email from alot of people. I've been told that alot of the mail i receive is junk mail. Which is, of course, a load of bullshit. How can people I don't know possibly know that I need Viagra? Or that I need a credit card - but fast!? I am convinced that the people behind this have a very well-developed intelligence network, and I am sure that the CIA is behind it somehow.

I mean, just take a look at this letter that I received - my aide says it is an old e-mail that's been circulating around the net for quite some time. I was shocked! This letter hewed verrry closely to a discussion I once had with Johnny who, at the time, advised me to seek American citizenship and just run for President over there. These were the reasons I gave him:

Top ten reasons Why There Couldn't Be a Filipino-American US President:

10. White House not big enough for in-laws and extended relatives. (I also added, cronies, business partners, and mistresses)

9. Not enough parking spaces at White House for 2Honda Civics, Toyota Celica, 1985 Mercedes Benz Diesel, BMW (big mean wife) and MPV (my Pinoy van). (I actually said, not enough parking spaces for my merry bannd of generals, but of course we should expect a little obfuscation from the CIA)

8. Dignitaries generally intimidated by eating with fingers at state dinners. (Just like they are intimidated by delicacies like aso-cena)

7. Too many dining rooms in the White House; where will they put the Last Supper picture? (Come to that, where will they hang that giant picture of me and Meldy stepping out of bamboo in our birthday suits? That picture always gave me an appetite)

6. White house walls not big enough to hold giant wooden spoon and fork. (And walls aren't wide enough for my dialysis machine to pass through)

5. Secret service staff won't respond to "psssst, psssst". (And they don't speak Ilocano either)

4. Secret service staff uncomfortable driving presidential car with rosary hanging on the rear view mirror or the statuette of Santo Nino on the dashboard. (or with a dialysis machine bouncing around in the back seat)

3. No budget allocation to purchase karaoke machines for every White House room. (what the hell is karaoke? Obviously yet another red herring to throw the snoops of the trail)

2. State dinners do not allow "Take Home". (especially when what you want to take home is the prime minister's teenage daughter. Cmon, sweety. Does dakulti ukel ukel mean anything to you?)


1. AIR FORCE ONE - Does not allow overweight 'BALIKBAYAN BOXES' (filled with Meldy's shoes. Why the woman insists on travelling around with those shoes is beyond me.)

Ahh. But, speaking of Johnny. I guess I should have taken his advice. How was i to know the dour old sod was planning a coup? After all, when a guy is perverse enough to plan an ambush on himself, you know he's capable of anything.


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Name: FM

Many of us don't know it, but Limahong had Manila infested for many, many years until he was driven out towards Pangasinan. That is why many of the people of Ilocos and Pangasinan are alleged to have been descended from Chinese pirates. I am not exempted from that charge. That was one of the first political attacks against me when I first ran for public office. "How can you trust this man, Marcos, he is descended from Chinese pirates?"


It is a very mixed blessing to be brought back from the dead.

Most images: The Foundation
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Everything else: Mine


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